census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
