im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
