How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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