I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My pussy is not your playground.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
