This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
