Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
