Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
