Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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