You just made me feel so damn special
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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