Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
