I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
