i don't like sucking hair
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
