I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize