New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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