Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
