Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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