If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
