dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
