Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
