I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
