11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
