He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
