so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
