Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize