He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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