So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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