WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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