dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
