oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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