Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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