fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize