8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
