Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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