The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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