and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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