Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
