life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
