If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
