I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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