I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
