We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
