Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
