I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
