how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
