She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
