i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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