Please, let me fuck your mom
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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