I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize