12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
