dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize