I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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