as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
