No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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