words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Randomize