I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
