I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize