My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
