somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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