my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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