Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
