Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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