Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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