Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
