Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
