The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sober January is a disaster.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
