I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
