I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My hand turned me down
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
