make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
