paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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