The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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