I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
