On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize