I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
MIDGETS
????
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
