friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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