i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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