i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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