i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
