Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize