dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
