eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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