Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
