I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
