Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
