hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
