i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
