what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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