After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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